Change the cycle..

 I recently went to a play, that represented everything that had been plaguing my mind for the last month or so. How we as parents have such a HUGE responsibility that it is almost overwhelming at the thought of all this entails.

Yes we need to put food in our childrens mouths, clothes on their backs, and teach them personal hygiene, these are the obvious. Really parenting is sooo much more than that. I know Amy HELLOO where have you been, these are things that I know but have just been overwhelming me. Everything I do, everything I say impacts my child, whether it be now, or in the future. This is a scary thought!

In this play the mother had an abusive husband who left her for another woman. I won’t even begin to list all the insecurities/problems this causes mentally on a person. Well down the line this mother had a child (from the psycho ex), guess who suffered for all the psychos mistakes….THE CHILD!! This just drove home to me even more how much of an impact a parent has on the outcome of the child. Now I know that the Lord can help a person overcome anything, I am not trying to excuse God from the picture here.

For example my mom yelled a whole lot. Don’t get me wrong I love my mom like crazy and I wouldn’t trade her for the world! That being said, her way of communicating was by yelling, yelling at the top of her lungs would be a better description. I sometimes see this scary monster come out in me. This brings me to my title, “Change the Cycle.” This is what I know, getting frustated=raising your voice. This brings me to tears, as I know how I felt when my mom would get like this; and I do not want to do the same with my children. This has been on my prayer list just about every day this month .

As we all know I have three kiddos that are soo close in age. I am so busy tending to each ones needs that I don’t feel like I give enough of me to each of them. My advice to those readers of mine that do not have children, DO NOT HAVE THEM AS CLOSE IN AGE AS I DID! Well I suppose there are pros and cons to this. My two older ones play together and are lost when the other is not there. However, with the playing comes alot of arguing! They are all at critical ages and their needs are so different. This is where my feeling of being overwhelmed comes into play,I do not want to fail them. With the older ones, am I teaching them their colors, numbers, shapes enough? Am I getting enough “Spiritual” teaching in there?, Am I showing them enough love? My infant requires so much attention that I feel like the older ones get the short end of the deal at this stage in the game. Therefore if I could do things over, I would not have them so close (the ones that were planned, WAIT that was NONE of them!) regardless, if I just had one more year between each of them things might be a little easier. Not to mention the other stresses from day to day life.

When I feel overwhelmed, about every day, I stop myself and I ask the Lord to give me the strength. We as the parent have such an important yet HUGE role in our children. The thought of failing them takes over.

I know DBalc would be so dissappointed about a “feelings” blog. Sorry D this is my therapy

 Oh yeah and..HOW ABOUT THEM RED SOX!!!

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