Are you my…well not REALLY!
July 2, 2007 amyleesspace
So last night my hubster was off playing cards, so I thought, “What a perfect time to eat my Ben & Jerrys cookie dough icecream; and watch some good ol Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”
Well this particular show was about Hillarys bf Trevor getting the family on the Oprah Show. Well Will was just over joyed at the thought of being on tv and began to call everyone he knew to inform them of the news. When Will left the room Trevor informed mom and dad Banks that Will can not go, it is just for imediate family. Mamma Banks says, “He is a part of our family we can’t tell him he can’t go!” and dad Banks says, “No, he is a part of your family, so you can tell him that he is not able to go!”
Well this really bothered me! I’m sure you’re thinking this is the Fresh Prince Amy, why are you bothered at something so minute?PULL IT TOGETHER LADY! Well you ask and I will tell….I can relate to this situation very well, see I lived with my aunt and uncle for about 5 years. It is normal to feel as though you don’t belong, second class if you will. I was very fortunate to be treated just like one of their own daughters and loved equally; however this doesn’t mean these thoughts don’t creep in. So When dad Banks said, “No… he is part of your family…” I thought to myself, how sad is that, Will has lived there for so long and Philip doesn’t even consider him part of his family when it is challenged with an opportunity like this.
I think one of the worst feelings is when you don’t know where you belong. It is kind of ironic that I married a handsome fella in the same situation as me. Wences also was raised by his sister and brother in law (who are obviously older) since he was nine. It is neat to share the same experience with him, but it also has it downs as well. Sometimes you feel as though, “Where do I REALLY belong” See cause in every family situation we are in we are kinda something, but not REALLY that something.
Let me explain…. I am like Ray and Evie’s daughter in law but not REALLY. I am like Auntie Kathy’s and Uncle Bruce’s daughter but not REALLY. I am like Steph, Sara, and Brandons sister, but not REALLY, and so on and so forth. ( I think you get the point here) These feelings are not necessarily brought on by anything other family members have done, I think it’s something that I struggle with myself. Ofcourse there are times and situations where you are kind of put in your place and reminded, you are not REALLY ____!, or your kids are not REALLY_____!
This may be hard for some to understand, I have even gotten a response such as, “You are just feeling sorry for yourself” GOSH I HATE THAT SAYING! Who ever invented that is just an ignorant person. It is easy to say that to someone when you are not in their situation, so really you have no idea what so ever what you are you talking about or what the other person is feeling.
Okay I feel better now 
…….
I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, so I am sure that this situation is for a reason, perhaps the Lord will use this somehow someway.I mean what are the odds that I marry someone in a VERY similar situation as me?!?
When I start to dwell on these “Feelings” (last night) I was reminded of how I am not kinda like a daughter to the Lord but not REALLY. I AM a daughter of the Lord, I “fit in” with the Lord, I am not “second class” to the Lord. WHAT A REASSURING FEEELING!!
**You can thank this yet another blog that is about “feelings” on the one, the only classic Fresh Prince. Thank you cable, thank you Ben and Jerry’s, thank you Wences for leaving me to play cards!
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1. 5najeras&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Maybe with your family situations it’s all in how you look at it. If you took the perspective of how happy you are to be R&E’s REAL Sister-in-law instead of the “sort of daughter-in-law” or the REAL neice and cousin instead of the “sort of daughter or sister” you would be more content! You play an important role in all those relationships and I know that they all love you very much, so can rest secure in that instead of titles and positions which really mean nothing in the grand scheme of things.
2. Midge&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 6:38 pm
Well said 5! I too am in the same situation. For me, I had to make the decision to not feel “left out” or “not really” part of the family. R&E NEVER treated me or made me feel differently. I put those thoughts in my own head. It took a while but making the decision to not feel that way anymore changed my life. It’s now MY house instead of R&E’s house.R’s family is now MY family. Yes, technically R is my brother-in-law, but he’s REALLY my dad too. He raised me, provided for me, fed me, took me to church,etc from age 10ish. Same thing goes for E. She showed me (and is still showing me) what it takes to be a Godly woman/wife/mother. She’s the one who still takes care of my when I’m sick and gently reminds me that it’s my night to do the dishes!
:-/ No, she’s not technically my mom, but she REALLY is.
So…all that to say, I know first hand what you are feeling. My advice would be to just let it go! All the doubts and “not reallys” Just let it all go. You’ll feel much better once you do. Also, you’ll actually SEE the difference to!
3. amyleesspace&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 6:51 pm
5N- I see your point of view and I actually have not thought about it in that way before. Thank you for that!
UB & AK are not my mom and dad, but in so many ways they are! I truly feel blessed that I have double! Along with the feeling of being blessed, comes with those doubts… almost like the enemy whispering in my ear… “Your not really….” It’s so funny and maddening at the same time, the enemy knows where to get ya “where to tempt ya”
However I wish it was just as cut and dry as you said. Unfortunately it’s not, that’s why I say it is hard for some to understand as sometimes there are situations that you just can’t fully understand unless you are in them. I kind of do most of my posts as therapuetic blahs about nothing, just to get something off my chest
Midge hit it right on the nail..(is that the saying).. (added with your post) I totally know it is how I view things, how I perceive it. It is sort of like sometimes my perception of things are tinted, like I’m constantly looking at certain situations with tinted glasses on rather than seeing it just for what it is.
R&E are technically my brother and sister in law, but really they are so much more than that to me! They are my mom and pap in law, I just have two sets of them
I know Wences feels the same as u do Midge, R&E are his mom and dad, and so is his biological mom and dad!
Darn you Fresh Prince, it was such a funny episode, just that one part got me thinking… Maybe I shouldn’t think anymore
4. Matt S&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 7:06 pm
Since you mentioned a saying you dislike, I guess I will too. I hate this, what does it mean? Is it at all comforting to hear this from someone? Not for me.
Not quite. I think you are going for, “she hit the nail on the head” I think I like your version better
5. amyleesspace&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Matt-
Well for me that saying doesn’t necessarily comfort me, but it gets my mind working…. I think the Lord uses everything in our life for his purpose. Kind of like how we all have different back grounds etc. it can all be used for him. (I am having a hard time putting what I’m thinking into words here)
Yeah I Knew I was missing something in that saying there… I just couldn’t figure out what it was
Thanks!
6. itsasecret2u&hellip | July 3, 2007 at 6:11 pm
Amy,
Although the “everything happens for a reason” is a least-favorite saying of mine too, I totally agree with it (and use it from time to time… haha). And I think you’re right… God will use your unique experiences to help you help others. I think that’s true of all of us. So maybe you would more easily be able to talk to a young Christian struggling with similar feelings because they are adopted or displaced from their biological parents for some reason, etc.
I can understand where you’re coming from on some level (though it is different) because I have so much mixed family. In my case there is a lot of pressure to “blend” families. When I was 12, all of the sudden I had some dude living in my house who wanted to be my dad even though he wasn’t REALLY my dad. 13 years later, I still struggle with it. There is a part of me that shudders when my kids call him “Grandpa.” But I have to really ask myself: what is a “Grandpa?” He takes them to movies, spends time with them, plays special games with them, babysits them (when he has help)… That sounds a lot like Grandpa to me. My kids are just lucky that they get 3 instead of 2.