LYING!… starts at an early age I’m afraid!
June 25, 2007 amyleesspace
Well it is yet the beginning of another wonderful work week 
Gotta Love it!
So this morning I was presented with yet another obstacle in parenting. ( Which I am sure there are plenty more to come) So I will tell the story, so you can understand where my dilemna is coming from.
My daughter Mya (which we like to call “little tubs”) was eatting her poptart for breakfast. I know I know, what a horrible mom, that is so unhealthy! Hey some mornings you do what you gotta do Anyway back on track here…
So Wency and Mya are eatting their pop tarts, and Mya decides that her pop tart is not good enough she would like her brothers too. So she makes several attempts to snatch away his poptart. Now ofcourse he is not going to just give up his sugar filled poptart, what kid would. So Mya then decides she is going to resort to attempting to bite her brothers back. So she is chasing him around the play room with her mouth open trying to get him, and Wency is running around calling for mom.
So I go in the play room, and try to calm down the situation here. (as I am trying to hide my smile because it was quite a sight to see) I then begin to reprimand Mya, and the little rascal says “I didn’t do it” in baby talk but clear enough to know that is what she just said. Well I first had to run into the kitchen so they did not see my laughter. I could not believe my 20 mo old was already resorting to lying.
Well once I got over my initial response to laugh, I thought more seriously about this. This is not a habit that I want my child to get into, lying this is. I know she is only 20 mos old, but there has got to be a way to let her know that this is not acceptable. This thought I have pondered all day today, and I just can not come up with a solution. So I thought I would throw the question out for you bloggers, and see if anyone has any suggestions for me. The question at hand is as follows:
How do we teach our children, especially lets say under the age of 2 , first off what lying is, and that it is wrong?
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1. gospelordeath&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 12:31 am
If she can figure out how to lie in the first place to avoid trouble, she can be taught that what she has done is wrong. If she can understand the one, she can understand the other.
Remember Pavlov’s dog. If she associates lying with getting a spanking, she won’t do it anymore. More or less.
2. amyleesspace&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 12:33 am
My concern is she is going to get the spanking and not understand why she is getting it. How do I speak on 20 mo old terms that lying is bad, and what you did was lying?
3. gospelordeath&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 4:30 am
I don’t know how you would do it, all I’m saying is that I’m sure it’s possible. She clearly knows what lying is already, so you’re half way there.
I guess I would try to explain to her first why it’s important to tell the truth, and what that means, and how you have to be careful what you say, to make sure it’s true, because words matter a great deal, after all, we are created in the image of the God who created all things by speaking. So when we speak, we should not do so carelessly. Words matter, words are powerful and important.
You probably know this, but I wouldn’t try to spank her a day or two after the fact, after explaining what lying is or something. She’ll have a real hard time with that. But I think you can explain what the truth is, and why our words should reflect it, and the next time you catch her in a lie, get her to admit it, and then apply discipline.
But I would definitely begin with the importance of words and the fact that they should reflect the truth. Then you can talk about how the devil is the one who has been lying from the beginning, and is the father of lies, and how God hates lies, etc. I’d be interested to see what some parents respond to this.
By the way, I’m sure you’ve thought of this, but it may be that your daughter wasn’t really telling a lie, but perhaps was just parroting a phrase heard on TV, and somehow picking up on the fact that it should be said when one gets caught doing something wrong. So maybe she knew she had been caught and thought she was saying the appropriate thing. In which case you can teach her to say something like, “I did it, I’m sorry,” rather than “I didn’t do it.” But anyway, assuming that she understands what “I didn’t do it” really means, then yeah, she was lying.
4. amyleesspace&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 4:45 pm
Echo- That is actually something that I hadn’t thought of. Maybe she was repeating something that she had heard. I am leaning towards this theory, more than she was intentionally lying. For some reason I was having a hard time believing that she was lying, I just didn’t think a 20mo old could even comprehend that.
This is where my dilemna comes into play, how do I show her that although she may have been repeating something she heard, it is still lying, so that she can comprehend it. I hate to ignore this behavior and excuse it as she is so young, and this become a habitual behavior. At the same time keeping in mind that she is only 20 mos old.
Come on other bloggers we are having a “Case of the pop tart lying” here where is your input?!?
5. itsasecret2u&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 6:34 pm
OK, my #1 sometimes has a problem with this. He’s obviously much older (6 1/2), but the principle of discipline is the same (assuming little Mya was, in fact, lying and aware of it).
My #1 lies, very simply, to avoid punishment. If he does something he knows is wrong, he lies to try to get out of trouble. The key is to make the punishment for lying significantly worse than the punishment for merely “doing something wrong.” For example, several months ago #1 went into the kitchen and snuck a bite of pumpkin bread after I told him he couldn’t have any until after dinner. Had he owned up to it, he would have gotten one spanking with my handy wooden spoon because he disobeyed. Since he tried to lie to me (which was comical because the bread was literally in his teeth, crumbs on his hands, and there was a massive bite missing from the loaf in the kitchen), he got 6 spankings. That sounds like a lot, but it’s meant to be. There has to be a noticable difference for them. They need to understand that lying about disobeying is far worse than disobeying (though that is a punishable offense too).
Now, I wouldn’t give a 20-month-old 6 spankings with a spoon. My 6 year old absolutely knows better than to lie and absolutely knew he was lying. Your case isn’t so clear. I think Echo is right about explaining the power of words to Mya. With my #1, I pull out the bible and explain what God says about lying. This means something to him because he understands who God is (on his own level, anyway) and respects the bible. Obviously, this will be a little over Mya’s head, but it’s good to start early! She will at least understand how Mommy and Daddy feel about lying. One day she will connect that you feel the same way about it as God does.
6. flopitlikeitswarm&hellip | June 26, 2007 at 6:35 pm
Amy, WOW! What fun being a parent huh? Ok, so I am not a parent, but I am one of five and I will tell you what my mom always did with us when we lied. (Even with the little ones)
If there was a situation like that, she would sit down the “culprit” (in this case Mya, and say, did you chase Wency around? Did you try to bite him? And from there Mya will either tell the truth or not and you will now whether she is mimicking something she heard, or outright lying.
I hope that makes sense.
7. gospelordeath&hellip | June 27, 2007 at 3:07 am
Oh that’s brilliant! Interrogation is a great tool. Even if they lie casually, when really pushed and confronted, then they’ll probably admit it. I would add one more question. Why did you say you didn’t do it, if you really did do it?
And I agree with Secret. More spankings for lying. My parents did that too.
8. amyleesspace&hellip | June 27, 2007 at 7:28 pm
Secret- So I did what you said (more spankings for lying) this morning. The funny part is it wasn’t Mya today it was Wency. He comes down from my room and says “Mom Mya spilled toothpaste all over your rug” Well ofcourse I know that this was not Mya, as she was downstairs the entire time. So I made Wency come upstairs with me, and show me. He continues to tell me that Mya did it. So I sent him to his room, I calmed down first cause now I have to try and figure out how to get a huge glob of RED toothpaste off of my WHITE bathroom rug, and I am running late for work!
So I went in his room (he is hiding in the closet ofcourse) I sat him down and I explained to him that had he not lied about it, I wouldn’t have spanked him. (because as he was explaining to me, he was just trying to brush his teeth with mommy and daddys tooth paste) due to the fact that he lied he was now going to get a spanking. (this is also after he admitted that it was him) so I had to give him a spanking. I hate spanking him before I go to work, but it was necessary.
So after a few minutes I let him come down from his room and asked him why he got into trouble.. and he answered correctly. Because he lied
!
Great advice, it totally worked!
9. itsasecret2u&hellip | June 27, 2007 at 7:35 pm
Amy,
I’m glad it worked! He’s really at a better age for it than Mya. We’ve seen a vast improvement in #1′s behavior since we started doing this. I hope it discourages future fibs for Wency too.
10. gospelordeath&hellip | June 27, 2007 at 8:22 pm
Yay!
11. Albino Hayford&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 1:19 pm
It took me a long time to come around to the “spanking is the only language toddlers understand” school of discipline, but I’m there now. Sometimes even just referencing the spanking tool of choice reaps immediate results. Then an apology must be issued.
This is reinforced by doling out spankings to the couch, chairs and other objects that bring pain and disappointment as well
We’ve got a lot to learn, though.
12. amyleesspace&hellip | July 2, 2007 at 4:42 pm
Albino- Parenting is the biggest challenge I have been faced with in this life thus far! Being responsible for guiding your child in the right way. That is when I am reminded how grateful I am for prayer, it’s good to know we are not alone in this journey called parenting
!
13. gospelordeath&hellip | July 8, 2007 at 7:36 am
Hey check this out!
http://kimriddlebarger.squarespace.com/the-latest-post/2007/7/6/so-augustine-was-right.html
14. brwniidgrl110&hellip | July 9, 2007 at 11:15 pm
Hey girl, I was reading all of these, and remembering Wency’s “famous words” “I didn’t do it” and not that it’s an excuse, but you know as a younger sibling, that you learn from the older right? So maybe what “gospelordeath” said is correct, that she just heard it and said it, as she spends most of her time with her older brother who has a larger vocabulary. Now how to explain that to a 20 month old, I have NO clue!
15. amyleesspace&hellip | July 9, 2007 at 11:53 pm
ECHO- thanks for the link, I checked it out.
It is very true children do learn at a young age to fake cry to get your attention. So why would I expect them not to pick up on fibbing to get out of trouble. IT is much cuter when my 22mo old fibs than when my 4 yr old does.. but cute or not it is wrong and I hope and PRAY that I can do the best to correct it NOW rather than LATER!!
16. bad loans&hellip | September 2, 2008 at 11:07 pm
hey ))
its very unconventional point of view.
Good post.
realy good post
thx